Friendships and Money/ Tips

I always talk about my "friends" on the golf course. Those whom I consider friends, probably know who you are. The ones who I talk to about my daily life, my education, something other than the weather and whether or not I golf. I am not saying that every golfer is a friend, it’s like anything else. There are people I get along with better than others, I just am more friendly to the people I don't like than I would be if I weren't working for tips.

That being said, it is interesting to talk about my friends on the course to other people, especially guys. First of all, the money/ beer aspect gets in the way of the "friendship". People outside of the course dismiss these relationships because they think these friends only talk to me because otherwise, I might not serve them beer. I am employed by the golf course to provide beer to the golfers. That is what I do, regardless of how I personally feel about them. I do stop and sell drinks to people I don't like as long as they don't harass me.

Or, other people will suggest that perhaps these people are only interested in me sexually or physically. Again, I am aware that some of the men out there are interested in me because I flirt with them. Yet, that is only one minor aspect of these friendships. Sure, I realize that it is an aspect, and that this assumption is very true about some of the golfers. But I am not so dumb as to figure out a good number of these guys. Some of them sneak under the radar, but I can figure out the creepers where that truly is their sole interest. I am also aware that sometiems my friends may get drunk and let the alcohol get to their head. These are the guys who apologize for their inappropriate behavior the next time I see them.

For those who are only interested sexually, I go by what I call the “Coyote Ugly” rule, because it plays such a huge role in the movie and is explained so well by the bar owner: “Always appear available but never be available”. I have been on one date with a golfer, which was awkward. I do not plan on dating golfers, and am not looking for anything from the golfers. Those who think I’m going to see them off the course or outside of the clubhouse are fools.

I sometimes feel like I sell my soul at work: I talk to, flirt with, and smile at people I can’t stand with the goal being making money. However, this pays for my college education, as well as provides me with evidence and motivation to continue to study, (not only in general to get out of this town) but also women’s studies in particular. It also occasionally provides me with hope for changes in society, like the conversation I had yesterday with a man who has seen the importance of studying implications of gender in the school system in an attempt to provide a better education for all students, both boys and girls. That is where most of the changes need to start, and I appreciate men who view it as I do. I tend to feel this hopeful view of general society as well as the motivation to continue to study are worth the bits of my soul that I sell for tips.

The Church of 18 Holes, and blessings through a fawn

Sunday, I was asked by a golfer if I had gone to church before I went to work. I have become less of a church-goer as I have gotten older/ matured/ grown. I'm not decided where my beliefs lie at this moment in time, but I do know one thing for sure... they lie with the Romantics-against scientific "rationalization" and value instead emotion as a means of communicating with God. (Thanks @Joel Pace for the education and understanding here).

In this way, I commune with God on a more personal level in nature, including on the golf course. Everybody laughs at me, but the animals there do become a kind of friend. I miss the fox--haven't seen here yet this year and didn't see her much last year. The geese are fun, but noisy and messy, so...

Point here, is the other night I saw a very young fawn. It was the end of my shift, I was taking a semi-scenic route back to the clubhouse to make sure nobody had snuck past me and needed a drink before I was done for the night. As I cut across the 3rd fairway, I almost drove over this little guy, who sat so still I couldn't decide if he was alive or not for a couple heartbeats. If I hadn't seen him take a couple breaths, I would have been very worried. But, no sign of him the next day. I didn't see her, but I'm sure mom was in the trees, waiting for me to leave. As tempting as it was, I did not pet the fawn, knowing that would be the worst thing I could do to it.

So, thank you to whomever is up there, for sending me an "ok" for missing church in the blessing of communing with this fawn for the most brief moment.